HELLOGOODBYE

SO, i realized I already failed at keeping my new yrs resolution of a daily blog.....
and i figured that my blogs shouldn't document what i do exactly detail by detail and useless rambling , so ill note the things that plague my mind.

Speaking of diseases of the mind, I am sick of taking things for granted. I always took Klunkers for granted. Yelling at her as she rips my shorts to shreds, for peeing on my clean carpet, or for taking a shadoobie under my bed , for the incessant scratching of my thigh when she wants to eat my food, I was not very appreciative of her. I'd usually threaten her and hold my cell phone wire and make like im going to whip her * i dont of course, but the fear that it strangles out of her amuses me. I looked at her with much annoyance and felt like she was a burden because she made such a mess in my house.

Turns out, yesterday my sister told me that we were being fined for her. She barks too much and shes not registered which is our fault but its a pretty harsh punishment: a fine and we have to get rid of her because of the bastard neighbors? I know it sounds irresponsible on our part that we didnt register her but we never would have thought she would be in our lives for more than a month. A month became 2 became 3 became one year, and if you know my family we all are in our own worlds; my sis in la, my sis in san jose, my lil sis in highschool, im in sd...we're all consumed by hw and our daily dose of stressful reality that we never registered her. We just had bigger issues and problems at the moment; things go awry a lot in my family, not within the family but external conflicts (my close friends know what conflicts i mean).
The dog officer wanted to come back so my sister said we gave her away. This confirmed that Klunkers would have to leave us. Today was when i found out. Let me tell ya, I kept thinking about that scene in Fox and the Hound when the old lady has to leave her pet fox behind because it was causing too much trouble for the neighbor. Tod (the fox) looks at his generous and loving owner who raised him as a little baby in bewilderment and slight michief. He thinks they're on an adventure, but really shes gonna abandon him. That's whats gonna happen to Klunkers; we dont have anyone to keep her so we have to give her to a dog shelter and say we found her because she's not registered. I dont think i could bare that. I already know klunkers will tilt her ear to one side, have that playful wag of the tail and have her tongue swinging around with drool. She'll think we're going to a field trip; to the park somewhere fun. Little will she know that i'll have to pretend i dont know her, take away her identity and leave her prisoner to this refuge.
These thoughts i have may seem dramatic because its 'just a dog' we're talking about. Klunkers is not just a dog, nor is any dog just a dog. They enter your lives unknowingly with their innocent troublesome ways and chew their ways into our stubborn hearts. I know i have a stubborn heart yet even with my stubborn heart that does not get moved by such things as giving away a dog is touched. It breaks away the bitterness.. I'll miss the way she licks me when I'm sad or when i cry or when i pretend to cry. I'll miss the way she immediately hides under my bed when im mad; her ears fall and her moon shaped eyes become more moon shaped because they droop more at the outer corners. I'll miss her shedding hair that ends up in my clothing, my backpack, even under the keyboard on this laptop. I'll miss walking out in the cold and staring at her wooden house my dad strapped together for her and bending my head in and humming her some korean music that I hear from korean drama.

I'll miss that she falls asleep at my bedside and how the stillness of the night gently lulls us into a slumber. Its strange how man and animal have such a bond to another like one. Its peculiar and beautiful at the same time.

The one thing that ill miss the most about is how she immediately rolls on her back with her paws stretched in the front, slightly bent. She's expects me to scratch her and i smile. I dont smile because she looks silly with her tongue hanging out, but because such a simple movement of my nails grazing her golden hair brings her such joy. I realize that its the little things in life that we do to not just dogs but to people that can make someone happy.



Klunks,
It's not goodbye but a postponed hello.